i live for genius

i find it disheartening how this whole thing has rolled off your shoulders so easily. its incredible how painless this is for you, and how extremely crushing it is for me. maybe its a role reversal, maybe its a mirror reflection of the way things have secretly been all along. and maybe its because i am sitting at the other end of the spectrum. the difference between one and seven is vast, but it appears that this year is the right time to love for the now.

im not concerned about that list anymore. i am not frustrated with the actions or the "rumors" or the truth. what settles like a rock in the pit of my stomach is how effortless it is for you to watch seven slide down the drain. and the constant buzz of undeserved guilt pressing on my ear drum and veins. one would think that it would have had a stamp somewhere in the corner of your heart. but the blatant disconnect proves otherwise.

i almost wore red pearls today, regardless of the fact that im walking on sunshine. i was bothered by the list at first, then agitated by the switch of fault. but now its dark and thought and back to square one. square one, for the first time in a long long time. and thats all because to you. square one does not point blame, it merely speaks the dead and honest truth.

the bees knees

im sure you think they are from me. but i promise they arent.

on another note. i went out on the town. and drank jolly ranchers. and gabbed with the future teachers of the world. it was silly fun.

see this thing im wearing. its called a smile. its been a long time coming.

and i feel it, in my bones. its like rainbows, butterflies and lemonade in summer time.

when the lights are low

the mother, the child, the addict, the rock, the talker. and nothing works. and the sky is falling, and money doesn't grow on trees, and manners are taught. discipline is enforced, studies are mandatory and relationships fly. silver clinks together, hair gets wet and skin gets dry. warm welcomes and tearful songs. old lady clothes from that shop on the corner and yellow roses in february. center parts and candles that need lighting. give and take and none of the above, and those female musicians of course. pizza men, humming birds, chapped lips, holding hands and tight hugs. and here's the the effortless flow of the waves on the road. its all that really matters.

and just like oedipus, all the masks will eventually shatter to the ground, and all that will be left is a venerable scared meek blur hiding in the right hand corner of an empty matchbox.

either grey or blue

i have never been more confident about something in my life. the rockford girl read my mind, and i sort of want to go back.

and just like you my little one, i can not catch a break.

paper or united?

i cant say whether you speak of the child or of the adult. both valid options.

the child glides quick down the slide and climbs cautious up the rocket ship. viewing the land through rainbow lenses. opinions and ideas like the teacup and saucer that are stamped with teddy bears and daisies. though the actions are callow, the child is marching swiftly toward triumph.

the adult is burdened with the routine of responsibility. making decisions, making money, making it work, all the while gripping their therapist's hand. crawling consistently the corporate latter of every day life and watching as objects fall from the top and splatter like blood on the pavement.

its hard to say whether you speak of the child or of the adult.

snap shut your eyes

this is a fiasco. and im living in the past.

the time has come bend and snap into the future and present. its the right thing to do, believe me.

california represent

oh hey manhattan beach. see you in like, um, LESS THAN 48 HOURS!!!