i live for genius

i find it disheartening how this whole thing has rolled off your shoulders so easily. its incredible how painless this is for you, and how extremely crushing it is for me. maybe its a role reversal, maybe its a mirror reflection of the way things have secretly been all along. and maybe its because i am sitting at the other end of the spectrum. the difference between one and seven is vast, but it appears that this year is the right time to love for the now.

im not concerned about that list anymore. i am not frustrated with the actions or the "rumors" or the truth. what settles like a rock in the pit of my stomach is how effortless it is for you to watch seven slide down the drain. and the constant buzz of undeserved guilt pressing on my ear drum and veins. one would think that it would have had a stamp somewhere in the corner of your heart. but the blatant disconnect proves otherwise.

i almost wore red pearls today, regardless of the fact that im walking on sunshine. i was bothered by the list at first, then agitated by the switch of fault. but now its dark and thought and back to square one. square one, for the first time in a long long time. and thats all because to you. square one does not point blame, it merely speaks the dead and honest truth.