put your hands up

blah. like word vomit. like words filtering from my brain to my fingers. its all on there. all of it. every last little detail. everything that is unknown. EVERYTHING.

and you cant see it. haha.

lady peaceful

promise not to say anything. promise to pretend. promise to not be mad. promise to not be disappointed. promise to not advise. promise to stay silent.

here's a secret: we're all fucked up.

life is waiting to carry you home

ive seen this 180 before. ive seen it many times before. its still shocking. and i must say, how rude. [of you.]

{40!}

i did it

eyes wide shut

i smell everything. it smells like something dead. as soon as that familiar buzz flings itself into my ear, my eyes go dark. i feel that salty burn that always ends in disappointment. darkness wraps its big brown arms around me, covering my eyes and mouth with its fat sweaty hands. pulling me backwards into an unfriendly cold alley, the darkness snickers at his success. every bone in my body is tense, im freezing down to my core. but i dont fight it. thats the sad thing, i never fight him. i dont squirm and struggle. i dont whip out my pepper spray and get him right in they eyes. i dont because i dont know how do you solve a problem that doesnt even exist?

suite 925

shhh. its a big bad secret. but i have to tell someone. but who? you? nope you dont exist. hmmm. how about you....nah, you'd be upset. um. let me think...you. nope definitely not, been there, done that. i guess this one will just stay between you and me, dear diary. you're the perfect friend for me.

mmmm.

{41}

yellow. purple. red. black hole.

its dark and cold. on the inside and the outside. no matter how many lights i turn on, i can never manage to make it bright enough. that worries me. i drape a necklace of dull red jewels around my neck. it drips down my chest, and shines brightly against my soft black shirt.

clap clap outa here

hello little stranger. take a bite of my mind and watch me as i get smaller and smaller until i finally fade into a thing of the past. like a distant, 'oh yeah i remember...', memory. its going to happen, happen sometime, maybe this time i'll win.

ha. nope. win. i never do that. never ever ever. bite me.

count them, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, on and on and on and on.....all big cherrios looking right into my eyes.

{43}